Photo by AJ Ahamad from Pexels
Alternative text: An aerial, long-exposure photograph looking straight down at a lone person standing in the surf on a beach. The motion of the waves creates a soft, white, streaky effect over the teal water and wet sand, contrasting with the sharp, long shadow cast by the stationary figure.
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The available audio has been created using OpenAI’s text-to-speech function
Loneliness is a big problem in today’s society, even in neurotypical populations. One in six people experience loneliness, and this is greater for all types of people, such as older adults (especially those with hearing loss), adolescents and younger people, and of course, autistic people. Everyone knows feeling lonely can feel very painful, but it’s also harmful to our health. Loneliness can exacerbate other mental health struggles, such as depression, and increase our risk of chronic disorders such as diabetes and dementia (CDC, 2024).
As you may know, loneliness isn’t simply treated by being more social or having more friends. It’s more complicated than that, especially if you are neurodivergent and/or facing adversity in your life. I can’t promise I’ll erase all the loneliness from your life, but I hope that I can help others by sharing what has worked for me.
I don’t have many friends, and I don’t go to many parties or social events, but I generally don’t feel lonely. I think I was forced to learn to enjoy my own company when I deeply struggled with endometriosis at age 16. For one year I was essentially bedridden with a chronic disease that none of my peers understood, as I was transitioning to a brand new school. Within that year, I lost most of my friends and ended a 1.5 year long relationship. In other words, I was really lonely. Since then, I feel much less lonely. Here is what I find is important for me when tackling loneliness.
Practice Social Connection
Loneliness occurs because we are missing a feeling of connection with others. That means we need to learn how to socially connect with others, even if we’re not necessarily close to them. If you learn to socially connect with others, you will find yourself socially fulfilled by all the small social connections you make throughout the day, whether it be the Starbucks barista or even an eye glance with a stranger on public transit. Admittedly, I cannot teach how you do this in one article, though I really suggest looking into the book “Stop Being Lonely” by Asatryan Kira. In essence, reducing loneliness is about redefining what closeness means to you, and learning to find closeness in your everyday life. In all my experiences with loneliness, I found practicing social connection to be the most important in helping me feel better. Not only did it help me find social connection in new places, but also enhance the connections I had in my preexisting communities, like my tennis house leagues.
Close friendships are like wine: better with time (or so I’ve been told…)
I recall once telling my psychologist that I was struggling to make friends. She told me that it takes time for friendships to develop, and if I struggle to connect with people right away, I may need to push myself to spend time with them until I eventually develop a connection. I did not like this advice. It sounded like so much work for the possibility of social connection.
I don’t dislike her advice as much now. I still refuse to go out of my way to maybe make friends (I just don’t care enough), but I am more patient in letting friendships develop. When I eliminated timely pressures and personal expectations, I noticed friendships naturally forming overtime with work colleagues and within my support groups. Perhaps in an idyllic world we would instantly make friends like love at first sight, but at least we can feel a bit less anxious knowing connections can form, but just take time.
Conclusion
There is probably so much other advice on how to be less lonely. Do you know any? I’d love to learn more. I recognize my advice was quite broad; sometimes our loneliness may stem from specific contexts. For example, I know I feel extremely lonely when I have to go to the hospital by myself. I hope you can consider some of my advice, but also self-reflect and see if there is anything you can learn from your loneliness to combat it better.
Next time I will talk about a topic that is very close to home for me: Getting through the nighttime routine without losing your mind. Hopefully you will not lose your mind before the post!
Alternative text: An infographic titled “HOW TO BE ALONE (AND NOT BE LONELY): A Guide to Finding Connection in Solitude.” It begins with “THE REALITY OF LONELINESS,” showing icons and text that it affects 1 in 6 people across all ages and neurotypes, and harms physical and mental health, leading to conditions like depression and chronic disorders. A “CORE SHIFT” section advises to “REDEFINE CLOSENESS” by learning to find connection in everyday life, noting that loneliness is about missing a sense of connection, not just people. Two strategies are presented: “STRATEGY 1: PRACTICE MICRO-CONNECTIONS,” illustrated with a person receiving coffee from a barista, encourages finding social fulfillment in small, daily interactions. “STRATEGY 2: PATIENCE IS KEY (LIKE WINE),” with an image of a wine glass, clock, and growing plant, emphasizes that friendships develop naturally over time, advising to eliminate pressure and trust the process. The footer contains the Little Birdie Blog logo, the Dori Zener & Associates logo, and an icon for the book “Stop Being Lonely” by Kira Asatryan.
The available infographic has been created using Gemini’s nano banana pro
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